About You

You, <insert name here>, are the person reading this article, unless, of course, you’re not. But that would be awkward.

You are unique — just like everybody else. Ha! You got dissed by an article. That’s worse than being dissed by a person!

Subtext: get over yourself. No one really likes you, <insert name here>. You suck. Like many of the things going on behind you, your friends are saying bad things about you and your relatives. All of that is your fault. You need to wise up and stop being so selfish. You’re wasting your time. I mean, seriously, who the fuck looks up a pronoun?! Obviously, you do.

You have a dim realization that nature has played a cruel trick on you but lack the intelligence to realize the magnitude of that trick. You love to quote Calvin and Hobbes, but not admit it. You are a moron, but you may never realize it, as you are so stupid. In fact, Nobody is dumber than you are unless you count GWB.

But your sister is totally hot. And if you don’t have a sister, I mean… <insert name here>’s cousin is sexy. Yum yum. But then again, if you lack cousins…you’re next door neighbours daughter is a total babe. C’mon admit it, <insert name here> is probably watching her change through her window, cause her house is THAT close!