Damn, India Twenty20

I’ve been watching a spot of Twenty 20 cricket as of late. It prompted me to think of what the future of cricket will be under the very “able”, “elected” representatives of the game who only care about the future of the game, not giving a damn about the kind of power or money the game demands.

20 years from today.

The latest set of rules coming out of the IICC (Indian-International Cricket Council), the main cricketing body in the world today say that Twenty 20 is officially dead, the time is come for 10 over matches! Cricket has become a 10 over affair, with 4 miniovers of 3 balls each. The bowler who was feeling majorly disillusioned with every Yuvraj, Dhoni and  Sehwag even, hitting his best over the fence, has been given some respite with permission to bowl any way he wants, as long as it reaches the batsmen in one bounce. Also in the first 5 overs, the batsmen will be declared out if they hit a sixer. Two 60 degree sections of the stadium can be chosen by the fielding side for 1-D and 2-D. If the ball is lost, the batsman has to forfeit his match fees to buy another one (The average cricket player is paid about Rs. 1000 per match, the rest of the match fees is given to the cheerleaders.) The IICC also decreed that the number of cheerleaders per game must increase from 1 for every spectator to 2 for every spectator, and they must give lap dances to the spectators as well. A source quoted, “No one is watching the game anyways, we’ll get more money by fooling those damned Indians into calling 100 bucks a minute numbers for getting the score or something, and make them listen to more ads)

The cricketing world was set on fire with these new set of rules. Ex Australian Spinner Shane Warne was too busy doing it with Ricky Ponting on his sheep farm in Australia to comment. It has been 9 years since Ricky Ponting got hit in the groin by a cricket ball because he was gaping at a female cheerleader and died of shame.

India still hasn’t gotten over cricket mania even after seventy years of independence and after sucking at it even worse than in Eve Teasing, we still haven’t given it up. The scenario in other sports is just as bad. Shah Rukh Khan has taken over coaching the hockey team while other vague sports have taken over the fancy of our public. 

From India, the country with the worst team on the planet but over one billion fools pouring their money into the game for the past 50 years, Sachin Tendulkar was unavailable for comment, since he was still making random advertisements for his own brand of washing powder (“Aila, CLEAN!”)

Retired India Captain Virender Sehwag (who is still trying to learn English) said, “Kapil paaji is teaching me English nowadays. I’ve lost the will to live”

Indian spectators seemed delighted with the increase in the number of cheerleaders, which means they automatically get to act like bigger perverts on TV by doing a ghati dance in front of them. Eden Gardens promised to increase capacity by another lakh to allow the entire population of Kolkata’s slums to be a part of the jamboree.

Ex BCCI chief Sharad Pawar ironically said, “These people are only after money, what happens to the cricket?”

What cricket minister? I’m too busy drooling over cheerleaders to notice.