A letter to the railways

Dear Indian Railways,

Lets go back in time to my Rajdhani Journey Between Mumbai and New Delhi. A positive person that i am, i shall not point out too many flaws.

Starting with the creaking door. Imagine now, you, the ordinary man, is tied so that you can’t move, and made to hear water dripping from the ceiling. Chinese water torture is what its called i think. Now imagine paying for that. Thankfully for you, us gentle souls don’t do much other than imagining each persons head exploding in our fragmented and slowly detiorating minds. Similar sentiments are shown towards you, the faceless babu, who was supposed to commission bottles of oil to make the doors creakless. In case anyone is wondering, this is how murderers are made, long train journeys next to creaking doors.

Putting the minor point of the door aside, and moving to more irritable things, i come to the endless instrumental music you seem to be playing 16 hours of the journey. Have you not heard of the saying, “A man creaking doors shall endure, but 16 hours of sitars will blast you on his blog” ? Tut tut, stupid babus.

Also, a suggestion for the next time i travel by the railways…NOT

Make the number of toilet trips someone can make limited, give them a pass or something which can open the place only 3 times in the entire journey, since it seems everyone enjoys overhydrating themselves and then walking through the creaking doors to the bathrooms, with an entire entourage following in pursuit. In case you reads this, you, lady in yellow, pee too much. Seriously, wear diapers. Or stop drinking water, but stop acting like a damned 5 year old. Bladder control is something people learn late, admitted, yet not so late unless you’re a damned retard. No offence LIY, i just wish you weren’t in my creaky half. Also a general thanks to whoever it was who went to the toilet and didn’t flush. You made my day.

Oh and the food, well lets say i used to enjoy it when i was a less sceptical child. Now i just get pissed when i ask for coffee and get tea.

I’d love to thank the train however for maintaining punctuallity, it was only one hour late. Fantastic by Indian Railways Standard eh?

Learn my friends, from the Delhi Metro, run by E Sreedharan. Fantastic Stuff, what?